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Snapper
 
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so, i have to start somewhere because there are some things i need to get off my chest. it's after 10:30 and thoughts are racing. can't even begin to describe how bad i feel right now.... since i've only been here in p-cola for a cupple of months i have no one else to turn to... other than the people who share my passion.... fishermen. for the last few months, my marriage has seemed to go slightly downhill. first, my wife tells me that she is not happy because this place is boring to her and she has no friends... so i start taking her out, introducing her to the wives of some of the guys i work with... of course i never hear the end of "how stupid everyone i associate with" is and blah bab blah ba blah... about a month later she stops sleeping, spending all of her time on the computer and such. i get up to go to work at 0400, she's still up... i get home from work, she's sleeping. i work very hard to pay my bills and support my family... work extra hard to put on the smile when i'm stressed because i know complaining won't help.... i bust my ass to provide a quality of life that is hard to come by the average hard working american and my efforts go down the tube. i rarely lose my cool... do my best to stay in control, and be the supporting husband that every woman requires in a time of need. however my efforts are in vain because all i hear is negativity. all i do is wrong. i have to show up to social events alone because i get no support. i don't see what i'm doing wrong. i know it's noone's business but i'm going nuts trying to stay sane... she won't get a job, she stays up all night doing god knows what... so, to make a long story short... she gets off the computer all of a sudden to wake me up a little while ago to tell me that she wants to go out and have some drinks... great!!! except it's tuesday, and i have to get up at 0400 in the morning to go to a very demanding job. so... i wake up to sound of the door closing, and as i peek out the window, i see her getting into my friends truck and driving away... needless to say i can't get back to sleep because i don't understand what's going on. maybe i'm reading to far into this... i doubt it. hence the call for the advice from perfect strangers.... please don't make a big blog out of this because it's a serious situation. the only other person i could turn to is with the wife right now... god knows where... and i clearly recall her putting makeup on for a good while before she left... if anyone has anything to say, please do so in PM format.... i feel sick and have nowhere to turn
THERE IS PLENTY OF ROOM FOR ALL OF GOD'S CREATURES...... RIGHT NEXT TO THE MASHED POTATOES!!!!I am... the anti-PETA
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Trigger
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Dude,
First let me say that it sounds like your doing your part.I dont think its your fault things arent working out.
This situation sounds exactly like what a good buddy of mine went through. The end result of his relationship with his wife was a bad divorce. Personally I dont think he communicated very well with her. No counseling just knock out drag outs that had to do with her going out all the time.
My only advice is to get some help from a professional or at least someone that wont take sides. If she wants to work on it then she wont turn it down.
If you need to vent or just bullshit shoot me a PM. Good luck.
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Grouper
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I think you know exactly what is going on. You are just in denial.
Fish On!!!
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Snapper
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It sounds like your marriage has already ended. I would start making all the preparations behind her back so you don't get screwed by the court system.
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Grouper
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| Without knowing both sides it's hard to give advice. I'll just tell you my story. I worked a very demanding job that icluded shift work. I did what I could to try and keep her happy. She was rippin' to go when I'd get off work and all I wanted to do most days was go to bed or just relax. She started stayin' up all night on the computer. She'd sleep all day with my 3yr old needing to be taken care of.I'd go work graveyard, she be up all nite. This went on for about 3 mths. I had my suspicions. She flew out to Texas to meet somebody she met online (supposedly a woman "friend") I knew better. Then later on she announces she is moving to Wisconsin to live with a guy she "met" online. I told her she was crazy of course. He could be some serial killer. She said, now get this," I'm a pretty good judge of character I think." She could make character judgements from words on a screen.Very talented she is. She left me and my daughter a week before her 4th birthday. What a winner. she did eventually move back here after 4 months. I guess the new wore off her boyfriend. She ALWAYS tried to invite me to do things with her when she knew I had plans or she knew I was beat from work and wouldn't go. That way it seemed she wanted me there, to hide in plain sight with her boyfriends. 6 in two years if ya wanna know. Don't expect any friends to get involved. They don't wanna be the bad guy. they'll come forward after TSHTF and validate your suspicions. Anyway, it was the best thing that EVER happened to me in the end. I've got the kind of wife evryone dreams now. Looking back I see it all as a plan someone had for me. Just remember no matter how bad it may get and hurt, it's going to get better. You gotta keep telling yourself that. You know the old saying, " It gets darker just before the dawn." You will just have to trust in that. It's going to get better one way or the other I promise. If she's not doing right, she not worth your time and something better will come along. If she's just having a hard time adjusting then maybe it'll work out. Sounds like she may be trying to push you away and make you do something about the situation and be the bad guy. Counseling can do wonders. I used to think it wouldn't. I went a couple of times and it helped. Although when your wife tells the counseler that, "He makes my skin crawl." you can pretty much just mark it down as over. Good luck and I hope it all works out the way you want it to.
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Sailfish
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| Do your best to keep it working--thats all you can do. Councelling? Well, it never worked for me but you gotta try it if you can afford it. Give her the benefit of the doubt until there is no doubt. Don't get confrontational. It won't help anything and you could get yourself into serious trouble if you punch somebody. Try to talk it through. If you can't work it out in a civil manner you will know you've done your best and, regardless of the outcome, you can feel good about yourself. Your self respect is the most important thing you have going for you. If you can't deal with it, the sooner you cut your losses, the better but give it a chance if it is worth saving. Yeah, life definitely sucks sometimes and, for a fisherman, when you have problems in the winter and fishing sucks too, it is a double whammy. I don't know how it is for everybody else, but loss of self respect and sense of humor are about the worst things I could lose.
Life is too short to catch little fish. http://www.panhandlefishingbooks.com/
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Snapper
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| What collard says x2 I fought off divorce for 2 years for the "sake of the kids" Two years of hell I wish I had back. My son lives with me now, A student and mini-football hero. Daughter is still with her mom, who turned slightly more sane. And I have a wonderful wife now who loves to fish!!! Bad times don't last, and neither do bad people. YOU decide how long you want to fight then get one with life.
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White Marlin
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| Just make sure that you have done your part to try and work things out. Take a step back and think about what you do and how you do it. We all take things for granted from time to time. Your relationship to your wife is something we all take for granted from time to time. A marriage is something that we all have to work at to keep it sane. Once you feel satisfied that you are doing your part to work things out, that's all you can do. She has to meet you half way. If she does not want to do that, there's little you can do. From your username and your story, I take it that you are in the military and were stationed here. Unfortunately, it happens to many military families. You get stationed somewhere where your spouse does not like and has no friends. They take their dislike of the situation out on you. There are many things out there for military wives. Try and get her involved in something with other women that stay at home. A gym in the middle of the day or morning is great place for women to meet friends.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- "H2O: 2 parts hydrogen 1 part obsession." Jon
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Sailfish
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sniper (12/3/2008)
I think you know exactly what is going on. You are just in denial. Have to agree. Get a keystroke program and see who she's talking too online and what she is saying. Find your phone box and wire in a recorder to confirm your suspicion. It's hard to face reality but the writing is on the wall. Take a vacation day or call in sick if you have to. Leave at the normal time. Have a friend meet you at work (not the one with the truck) park your vehicle and take his back to your neighborhood and watch what happens. Does she have a cell phone? Steal it and check out her messages. I hate to see you going through this but you need to act now in your best interests.
-------------------------------------Still in Knoxville,TN but working on it.  Thanks for all the info. Lets go fishing! Can't wait to meet more of you folks. Hal, you owe me a beer!  http://www.forumpictureprocessor.com/pictureprocessor/galleries/usergallery.asp?gallery=1156
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Sailfish
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| "i see her getting into my friends truck and driving away..." Dude what kind of friends do you have? After being married to a druggie ho for 6 years I have toughened up quite a bit. Just come out and ask her if she is getting it on the side, if so with the way the economy is tell her to sell it instead of giving it away! I have to agree with Sniper, I think you allready know what is going on and if you are both that miserable get the hell out and get your life in order. I know it sounds like I am an ahole but since I got rid of her I have remarried to a wonderfull woman that loves to fish and join me in everything. That because of her working I have more than money ever and now have a boat, camper, 2 houses and peace of mind! One question to ask is before you moved here was she doing the same thing?
-------------------------------------------------------- http://www.forumpictureprocessor.com/gallery.asp?gallery=1211 20' Chapparral Cuddy Walk Around with 200 HP Yamaha (IRISH WAKE) Nextel # 154*26*16153 cell # 205-422-9692 work 205-672-2797
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Grouper
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| One very important piece of advice - DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH THIS WOMAN or you will be tied to her forever and she will take you for a lot more than if you didn't have children with her. Sounds to me like she is not mature enough to be married and just wants to party. There are a lot of good women out there dying to meet a good man. It will be tough but you will be a lot better off in the long run - ditch her and find one of the good ones. In 5 years you will look back and think "What was I thinking staying with her as long as I did ?" I found a good one my first try but I've got several friends that went thru the same thing you are going thru. Every one of them is a lot happier now after ditching their party girl .
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Snapper
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| ok... so the shit hits the fan last night.... surprisingly,,, it all worked out for the best... she's got nothing on me, a prenup made sure of that. second, we don't even have a mutual bank account... i'd say i covered my bases from the get go... she's leaving because i told her i couldn't put up with her bullsh&&& anymore... between lying to me and using me for military benefits i can assure you i'm fed up. last night was the last straw... they day she leaves, her allotment is cut off. only reason she had one in the beggining was because my command said so. gotta support your wife... when i asked her what the problem was she said "i love you, but i'm not in love with you anymore." so, without regret or remorse, or anything of the sort, we quit fighting and said what we needed to say. thank god!!!! the man upstairs has got my back 'cos he knows i've done my best for the last six years. so thank you all for your great responses to my horrible perdicament... i feel soooo much better now. it's like a million pounds were just lifted from my shoulders. it's funny how you learn from the mistakes of others. what i mean by that is that i heard all of the stories of how women take you for all when it's over... so, i just made sure that was never possible from the beggining.... and now she leaves with the clothes on her back, and whatever smal stuff she owns... i keep my boat, my house in tampa bay, everything i worked so hard, and she never gave a penny for. life's great when you watch yur own back!!! man i feel great. as for my buddy, i don't blame him for taking her out... she's friggin' sexy!! who wouldn't.. i do however know nothing went down... and i walk away with the knowledge and experience to never leave my guard down... deployments are gonna be so much fun since i'm no longer tied down.
THERE IS PLENTY OF ROOM FOR ALL OF GOD'S CREATURES...... RIGHT NEXT TO THE MASHED POTATOES!!!!I am... the anti-PETA
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Snapper
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David Ridenour (12/3/2008)
sniper (12/3/2008)
I think you know exactly what is going on. You are just in denial. Have to agree. Get a keystroke program and see who she's talking too online and what she is saying. Find your phone box and wire in a recorder to confirm your suspicion. It's hard to face reality but the writing is on the wall. Take a vacation day or call in sick if you have to. Leave at the normal time. Have a friend meet you at work (not the one with the truck) park your vehicle and take his back to your neighborhood and watch what happens. Does she have a cell phone? Steal it and check out her messages. I hate to see you going through this but you need to act now in your best interests. This is just my .02 cents , if you are to the point of spying on her, it's over.Don't hurt yourself anymore then you have to.Would knowing the ugly details help you? Seriously who gets dolled up and takes off with a buddy of yours at that hour? Did your buddy talk to you , let you know what they were doing ?Trust is everything!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if it's gone the relationship is gone.Always take the high road and YOU will be a better man for it.
Wish'n I was Fish'n
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Sailfish
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that's great news man! glad it worked out for you. keep your chin up, work hard and enjoy life in paradise... and thanks for your service...
http://www.forumpictureprocessor.com/gallery.asp?gallery=876 "Above all, we must realize that no arsenal, or no weapon in the arsenals of the worked are so formidable as the will and moral and courage of free men and women. It is a weapon adversaries in today's world do not have". -Ronald Reagan, USA
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Sailfish
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| I know this sounds kooky... BUT... The Truth... shall SET YOU FREE!!! I agree... just come out and ask her. If she says no and you know she is lying, then try finding out the truth so you can confront her and get it over with. Best of luck to ya.
_______________________________________________________________________>))))))*> >)))))))))))*> >))))))))))*> >))))*> >))))*> >))))))))*> >)))*> ~12' Hobie Outback Yak - Eagle 245DS FF ~ Wicked Pam Flint... Blackwater Pirates - www.blackwaterliving.com ~PRFA Member~   
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Snapper
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i must say, i'm sooo lucky to have good friends that told me it was bound to happen from the begginig... all my buddies are divorced for the most part, so i had alot of warnings early on... i just chose to go ahead with it and covered my back to be sure... if you plan and prepare for that rainy day you won't be sorry. MY RAINY DAY IS HERE!!!! and thank god i did...
THERE IS PLENTY OF ROOM FOR ALL OF GOD'S CREATURES...... RIGHT NEXT TO THE MASHED POTATOES!!!!I am... the anti-PETA
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Snapper
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this here is no divorce, it's an annullment.. that's the beauty of the situation.... just some papers and that's it. sure, it'll take a little while but who cares! my having to take care of someone who doesn't care to look after me is OVER!!!
THERE IS PLENTY OF ROOM FOR ALL OF GOD'S CREATURES...... RIGHT NEXT TO THE MASHED POTATOES!!!!I am... the anti-PETA
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Grouper
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Since it's over now you can post those pics you keep in your sock drawer! I'm glad you feel relieved. Good luck.
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Sailfish
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Dude I would still look for better friends if I were you. Now you have me wondering what she looks like for a "friend" to take her out at that time of night knowing she is married.
-------------------------------------------------------- http://www.forumpictureprocessor.com/gallery.asp?gallery=1211 20' Chapparral Cuddy Walk Around with 200 HP Yamaha (IRISH WAKE) Nextel # 154*26*16153 cell # 205-422-9692 work 205-672-2797
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Snapper
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bamasam (12/3/2008)
Dude I would still look for better friends if I were you. Now you have me wondering what she looks like for a "friend" to take her out at that time of night knowing she is married.Ditto! Got any pics?
John - BuckWild "The Original"Pathfinder 23DV-F225 yammy "Liquid Chaos"  
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Grouper
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Collard (12/3/2008)
Since it's over now you can post those pics you keep in your sock drawer! I'm glad you feel relieved. Good luck. Yea Maybe Collard can add them to the Bikinis Thread : Just Kidding Hope everything works out for you Good Luck and Thank you for your service
As Long as your having fun Fishing ,Then Catching a Fish Is Just a Bonus!!! Dwayne
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Snapper
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thanks guys, i appreciate the support. i get more from strangers than i do from people i know... weird. anyway, i hate sketchy situations so i always have a backup plan. if the military has taught me anything is to be wary of anything suspicious, and always do your homework before you start to get into whatever it is you do. cheers, if anyone wants to grab some beers this weekend, i'm thinking of dropping a keg or two at my buddys house. hit a cracker up!!
THERE IS PLENTY OF ROOM FOR ALL OF GOD'S CREATURES...... RIGHT NEXT TO THE MASHED POTATOES!!!!I am... the anti-PETA
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White Marlin
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Well man I'm glad to hear that it's working out for the best! Dealing with women can be a tough thing for sure. Come to the gumbo brew this weekend and I'll drink a beer with you.
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>-
2007 "Unofficial PFF Fall Shark Tounament" Winners
PRFA Member -
- "I'm konztipated....I just can't give a sh!t"
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Mingo
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| glad you didn't have kids with her and glad you got it figured out but dude...your "friend" is NOT a "friend"..no matter what he or she says they "didn't" do.......
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